Quantity or Quality?

If you are like me and think you know just about everything, every once in a while something new comes along.  It is certainly refreshing to find something new, because now I can say, “Up until today, I thought I knew everything.  But there was something that I did not know.  However, now that I have learned that, I do know everything.”  Let me share with you my new-found knowledge.

Let’s start off with a question – an easy one.  Is this guy a sprinter?

  

Answer: no. 

OK.  So we all got that one, but it’s not because the tires go flat every time he mounts the bike.Today, researchers at Stanford announced that although Human Growth Hormone can build muscles, it does not boost athletic performance.  Why??  Well, an analysis of a 27 HGH related studies (with a total of 303 participants) reveals that

1) Lean body mass was increased, but an accompanying strength increase was not shown.  Turns out the lean body mass seems to be the result of fluid retention. 

…and (here is the kicker)…

2) The hormone resulted in the generation of more lactate.  “In one study,…two cyclists given the hormone stopped a workout because of fatigue.

”Say what?  You got it baby.  You weigh more, and get tired easier!  Not a plan for successful cycling, for sure.  Now you know everything too.

Anyone interested in some nose bleeds?

Having just finished a hard ride, I roll home and plop in the couch turn on the tube and subsequently fall asleep.    Sometime later, in a semi-lucid state, I hear this commercial, “Would you like in some nasal sores, nasal fungal infection, glaucoma or cataracts?”  My interest is piqued, so I crack one eye open. 

It continues, “Well, then step right up and grab a bottle of Veramyst.  This stuff is your answer to treating your nasal symptoms such as congestion, sneezing, and a runny nose.”   

Wait.  Did I hear that right? 

“Be sure to ask your doctor if Veramyst is right for you.”

Say what?!?!  Am I supposed to ask my doctor if nasal fungus is “right for me?”  I am not a doctor, but I think I can figure that one out. Ok, so maybe that is not exactly how the commercial went, but I could swear that’s how I remember it. 

Regardless, isn’t that what all the drug commercials are saying nowadays anyway?  Aren’t all of them saying stuff like, “Don’t use [insert product name here] while operating a motor vehicle, or if you have kidneys which need to function.”  Well, obviously, they really don’t want the public to know that their product has all kinds of horrible side-effects, so there has got to be a law compelling them to do it.  Right?  I am sure they’re not killing sales out of respect for full disclosure, or out of sheer altruism. 

Maybe they are doing it to shield themselves from lawsuits.  “Your honor, despite our warnings that his eyes would fall out if he used our product, the plaintiff continued to use our product.  And, as you can clearly see, the plaintiff no longer has bloodshot eyes.”   

I have noticed though that other types of companies are not talking about their side-effects.  Can you imagine watching fast-food joints try and hawk cheeseburgers?  That would be excellent:  “Warning, excessive use may cause high cholesterol, heart attack, stroke, and in remote cases, death.  Some people have been known to have very large bowel movements 1 to 2 days after ingesting a triple cheeseburger.  Ask your doctor if cheeseburgers are right for you.”  

Of course, this would never happen.  What doctor in their right mind would write a prescription for that!?

Believe in the Bike?

Last week I was reading in Bicycling magazine about how Tyler Hamilton got to keep his Olympic gold medal because the authorities lost his drug test B-sample,...and about how he’s on the Operation Puerto list,...and how he was recently booted off his team because of doping, etc.  I began to think, "What is wrong with this guy?"  "Why was I such a fan?" and,  "Who in the world could sign him ever again?"  That's when I come across a mention of this group of Tyler supporters who’s mantra is “BELIEVE.”  Believe in Tyler?  I would hope people were more objective than that, but hey, if people can believe O.J., why not Tyler?  I figure if they want to believe that Tyler is some hapless victim of the well-oiled anti-doping police, then more power to them.  Everyone needs to have a hobby.  But then the story goes on to say that BELIEVE no longer is reserved to mean believe Tyler’s claims of innocence.  It has instead evolved into something much greater.  No, it doesn’t mean believe in yourself, or believe in God.  It has evolved into believe in the power of the bicycle.

Say what?!  Please people, if you want to be stupid go right ahead.  But come on, at least you can come up with something better than that!  Shoot, when I was three, my Mom told me that I could believe at least in myself.  Heck, remember the ant that moved a rubber tree plant?  Or the “little engine that could?”  Even a choo choo train has enough common sense to believe in himself.  So now we have devolved into believing in a bicycle?

 

Granted, in a moment of weakness you might catch me kneeling before an Isaac Joule Aerotic, or genuflecting to a 14 lb. Specialized Tarmac SL2, but let’s get some perspective.  I am not a religious zealot, but I can tell you for certain if there is a higher-power that we should believe in, it is certainly not a bike.